Good Old-Fashioned Ingenuity

I have to explain the picture in this post, otherwise you'll never guess.

My dad, Bear, is one of the most practical people I know - and occasionally also one of the most forgetful. Those who have ever ransacked my cupboards for seasonings know that I'm allergic to black pepper. It would have made me a cheap date in the middle ages, but in this century it's just a pain in the tush for my dad to remember he can't cook with it when I'm home. So sure enough, Christmas morning I walked through the kitchen just in time to see him peppering the prime rib he was fixing to put in the oven. Bear saw me and immediately realized he needed to remedy the situation.

Now I've asked a lot of people over the past couple days how they would de-pepper a piece of meat. I personally would have wiped it off with a damp cloth. Others would have just washed the meat. But not Bear. He vacuumed it off. Yes. Vacuumed.

No mere dustbuster for him, Bear grabbed the Hoover and the hose attachment and went to work. Mom was too stunned to stop him. Then she was laughing too hard to try.

They're so cute at that age, aren't they?

On Gratitude

At a Christmas party a couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with Keith's wife (with his prior permission). After she had told several friends of mine how much she disliked me and how dismayed she was that they had invited me to their Christmas party, I was more than a little put out. So we had the "we-don't-have-to-be-friends-but-your-husband-is-one-of-my-best friends-so-I-plan-on-making-it-very-hard-for-you-to-dislike-me" talk. Apparently it didn't work.

I didn't want to upset her with the gifts I gave this year, but I wanted to give their kid some cool gifts and Keith wanted a book. I didn't want it to look like I was trying to buy her off (I would if I thought it would work) so I went the thoughtful route instead. She likes Christmas ornaments, she has a thing for giraffes, okay. A pretty giraffe ornament was wrapped and waiting for her.

Keith said she liked it until she found out it was from me. As it turns out, it's a good thing I left the tags off the gifts for the baby. Keith says she thinks they are the neatest thing ever but that she'd hate them if she knew from whence they came. I understand that thank you is the traditional response to any gift, but her outright disdain sort of offends me. I feel like telling her that I'm a permanent fixture - she may be as well, but then again she could just as easily be gone in a few years - but I don't. After all, I'm being nice.

But I wish, even if it were through clenched teeth, that she would say thanks. She doesn't even have to mean it, but I would appreciate even an attempt at civility on her part.

'Tis the Season

Merry Christmas, all!

Catch Up

Things have been so crazy lately, it seems like forever since I've gotten a minute to myself, much less time to blog.

Tonight, however, I found the time to go eat Vietnamese food (or as Keith calls it, "Vietnamese people," don't ask me why). I love going to this little place in the Asian part of town. There is zero ambience, I can't get anyone to go with me, and it allows people to smoke. Despite all of this, I adore the place.

I have never seen another non-asian person in there. I am the only person who only speaks English and I know this because no one else speaks it there. I can never understand a word in any conversation around me, but it's almost as much fun making up my own version of what's going on. Great people watching.

Anywho...

I'm really looking forward to Christmas and only adding to this anticipation is the fact that one of my MIA friends has resurfaced. I've known Heather since we were about eight years old. The last time I saw her was when I was in her wedding two and a half years ago, after which she promptly moved to Ithaca, NY where hubby enrolled in grad school. Well, the marriage didn't take and I knew that she had returned to Austin but no one had seen hide nor hair of her. But Austin, despite its size, really is a pretty small town. Eventually you'll run into everyone you know.

At any rate, Heather turned up. I think her family is living in California at the moment, so I issued an invitation through the person who ran into her for Heather to spend Christmas with my family. This won't be the first time.

A few years ago she had seen me running through the Austin airport but couldn't catch my attention. She knew I'd be at my parents house on Christmas Eve so she called then to catch up. Her family was off doing Christmas without her, and I can't let anyone spend Christmas Eve eating a sandwich alone. As I remember, we ate turkey and then went out for ice cream. This year, I think we'll skip the ice cream. As I remember, that was an awfully cold idea.

Can't wait to see her.

In fun stuff, I got a new camera since my other one decided it no longer loves me. It's great - it takes movies, awesome pictures, and has a gabillion megapixels. Now, if only I could figure out how to fit the memory stick into my computer... (okay, quit laughing at me).

And at work we're doing Secret Santa. I have one of the partners, and it's killing him that he can't figure out who it is giving him gifts. Yesterday he went around thanking everyone in the office for the toy he got, hoping someone would crack. Today I (and everyone else) got an email thanking me for today's gift and telling me he caught me on camera when I snuck into his office this morning to leave it on his desk. I just wrote back, "Nice try, but I'm not it." He has now, I kid you not, begun taking writing samples from everyone in the office since yesterday's gift came with a post-it note. I readily offered up my sample because I know what he doesn't: I asked the receptionist to deliver the gift and it's her writing. Oooh do I love Christmas!

Professional One-Liners

"Defendant has apparently sprung a leak and begun spewing Latin."

I got to put that in a brief today (yes, another one) in response to a Defendant who cited so many random legal theories in its defense that you really have to wonder if the lawyer knows what they all mean. I had to look up several in my copy of "Essential Latin for Lawyers" and not a single one was even close to applicable. We'll see if my little joke makes it through the revision process, but you've got to have something in there to keep the judges entertained. It's definitely catchy.

On a related note, someone teased me once that law school would make me dull. "You'll tell jokes that no one else understands. The punchlines will all be in Latin!" he crowed. I guess I just tell that to let you know that I hope you find this as amusing as I do, but I'll understand if you don't.

But at least my joke isn't in Latin.

Hush

She doesn't normally look this evil.


If you really want to have fun, play count the toes.

Let it Snow

My brief is done, I get a break, life is good.

Right now all of the women in my office are hoping that they'll release us early on account of the inclement weather we're expecting. Now those of you in colder climes aren't going to be impressed, but we're expecting a chance of snow today. Accumulations are possible up to 1/4 of an inch!

Such dangerous weather requires everybody in town to talk of nothing but the weather, go drive somewhere to have a winter war story, and close down the schools. Any amount of ice or snow is enough to just shut the State of Texas down. It's good times.

When I was in high school, they used to have us stay home if it was too cold out. If the weather wasn't going to get above 32F, school was cancelled. I'm sure there are some people in, say, South Dakota who would laugh their butts off at this if they weren't already frozen.

I thought about calling in cold to work today, but decided to go out in the midst of our winter weather anyway. Apparently I'm feeling brave.

Procrastination

I find it somewhat comforting that in the not-so-distant past (law school), I would have absolutely panicked at the idea of having two days to write a brief. It means I'm a little more sure of myself, a little more comfortable with what I do, that I can write one overnight and still have time to procrastinate.

Okay, less blogging, more writing. I'm only about halfway through.

P.S. Why is the legal profession the only one where you can write something roughly the length of a novel and they call it a brief?

The In-Crowd

It has occurred to me that I'm not as laid back as I like to think that I am. It turns out that there are actually people I don't like. Not as in "I hope you die" don't like, but more "if an alien came and abducted you, I wouldn't mind so much as long as they treat you nicely."

Katie Couric makes the list. So do Matt Lauer, Tom Delay, Suze Orman (heck if I know why, probably because she is so understanding of people who put themselves into debt participating in pyramid schemes), Martha Stewart, Camille Paglia, Rush Limbaugh, Antonin Scalia, Mister Rogers, William Shatner, selected ex-boyfriends, the newscaster on channel 8, the weatherman on channel 5, Meryl Streep, and Clarence Thomas. Ann Coulter has a class to herself.

On the other hand, I absolutely adore - and simply could not live without (even though some are technically dead) - Walter Cronkite, Carl Kasell, John Sharp, Julia Child, Judith Martin (Miss Manners), Bill Clinton, Molly Ivins, Bob Hope, John Cusack, selected ex-boyfriends, Craig Biggio, L.M. Boyd, Katharine Hepburn, Steve Jobs, anybody at the Pixar film studios, Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Anna Quindlen, and former Governor Ann Richards. This week, Vince Young is likewise in a class by himself.

Whoopsy-Daisy!

I know I shouldn't laugh, but this is the funniest thing that's happened to me today.

A couple weeks ago, I got new throw pillows for the couch. They're the same color as the old ones but they are covered in silk which makes them a little slippery. The cat, unfortunately, hasn't figured this out yet. She keeps trying to lay on them and winds up slipping clean off the couch.

The first time it was funny. The third time it was hilarious. In theory she should land on her feet, but Theory has obviously never met my klutzy little companion.

Wheels

Oh good gracious do I hate car shopping.

My faithful little red truck is getting on in mileage, and I've been thinking about a new car for over a year now. I've finally gotten past the thinking stage and started test driving cars, but pushy salesmen are my newest pet peeve. Guys who were helpful and informative when I walk in and say "Okay, I'm considering several other cars but go ahead and sell me on this one" turn overly aggresive once I say "thanks, I'll think about it." I tell them at the outset that I'm not buying a car today and that I still have decisions to make. But each and every one has brought out a manager (or in one noticeable case, two managers and the owner of the dealership) to ask me "what can I do to get you in this car today." And then they don't take no for an answer.

I finally started telling them that to get me in that car right then, no more time for decisions, it would have to be for half price. When you say that, their eyes kind of glaze over.

Since this is likely to be my last non-mommymobile for awhile, I've been looking at fun cars. Roadsters, sporty cars, ones that go "vroom" and make me downshift at 80 mph. Given how much this whole shopping process is wearing me out, though, I may just drive my little truck clean into the ground. But I was planning on keeping the truck. I can't see hauling Christmas trees, sailboats, furniture, or really anything other than a purse, a suitcase, and maybe the cat in this:

Then again, my average daily commute is about 7 miles round-trip. Maybe I'll skip the car and buy a new pair of roller skates.

Mercy

Keith -and anyone else with small children - owes me a big thank you. I have done all of my kid Christmas shopping and I am pleased to tell you that I steadfastly avoided buying any toy that makes noise on its own. They're all imagination, not battery, powered. I will accept your adoration now.

(Fair warning: If you're not nice to me in the coming year, it'll be fingerpaints and a tambourine next year. They require creatvity and imagination too.)

Reflections on the Mortal Coil

"I should tell you that my partner, (John Doe), was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about 4 weeks ago. It was a shock. Last week, (John's) doctors told him that he's got 2 weeks to live. Another shock. All very sad. I'm performing triage on some of (John's) litigation and other matters. I apologize for delay in responding to your e-mail.

Rest assured that all work is going forward professionally and on time."
____________________

This was in an email that I got from our local counsel in Atlanta today and my reaction to it amazes me. My absolutely first thought was wondering how on earth John would wrap up things at the office. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm reminded of that old saying that no one's tombstone says that they wished they spent more time at the office. If I had two weeks left, I would spend each and every minute of it doing the things I have always wanted to do. I would take everyone I loved around the world. I would slow dance each night, eat nothing but cheesecake, and probably never sleep. Why waste a single minute with so few left? I would NOT go into the office. Who's going to sue me for malpractice when I'm dead? Instead I would spend every moment telling the people who matter to me that I love them. I would call people who have wronged me and tell them that I forgive them. I would buy lavish gifts for my friends as something to remember me by. I would feed ducks, hold babies, sit in the sunshine, and kiss every handsome man who passed by.

The part of the email that bothered me most, though, was the last line. The guy who sent it has been John's friend for twenty years. I would want those around me to say "to heck with professionalism, we're going to have to postpone things, I have to spend time saying goodbye."

Losing my friend Justin a few years ago was incredibly sudden. One day he was here, talking about the new job he was starting, and literally the next day he was gone. If I found out I had two weeks - or even two days - left I would do all of the things I wish he had the opportunity to do. I would make amends and say goodbye.

I feel horrible for John, but in a way he's lucky. He has the opportunity that so many others don't get. He can make sure that his last words to people most important to him are "I love you." In the meantime, he and his family are in my prayers.