In Which I Get Angry, Give a History Lesson, and Get a Little Carried Away

I have been increasingly troubled by the non-sequitur propaganda which has seeped in to many people's collective unconscious. Namely, that if you are anti-war you hate America.

Imperialism was the hot-button topic at the turn of the 20th century, and I am somewhat distressed to find that the same issues are still current at the dawn of the 21st. Once we'd taken part of the Pacific, some of Central America, thought about seizing Cuba from the Spaniards, and wound up embroiled in the Phillipines with no real idea what to do with them, American Imperialism gave way to Isolationism, such a popular idea that we also got President Wilson in the deal as well. But we got dragged into WWII by the catastrophic events at Pearl Harbor and spent the better part of the next 50 years fighting around the globe for interests that weren't really that material to our freedom. Korea, Vietnam, and the ongoing Cold War - all challenged the way of life (or more precisely the economic system) of people in other countries. And this is more of the same.

When the U.S. liberated the Phillipines at the end of the 1800s, it was like the dog that caught the car it had been chasing. Now that you've got it, what do you do with it? We had left the country without leadership, having deposed the government. We didn't want to take over the island, we couldn't leave the country to run itself because it couldn't, and unless we took over the place we would have handed it straight to the Germans which nobody wanted. Sound familiar?

Now that we have caught Iraq, what do we do with it?

I agree we can't just leave without patching up the mess we've made of their country and its political structure, but I can no longer abide the "flying blind" that seems to be the main strategy. I was told we'd be out by January 2005; I was told "Mission Accomplished;" I am now told it will be a "few more years," all in articles appearing right next to those listing who died over there that day or announcing that Halliburton didn't really mean to make such large profits on non-bid contracts with the government.

And STILL nobody has shown me the WMD.

And STILL nobody has shown me that the Iraqi government is responsible for terrorist threats to the U.S.

And STILL I have to watch as we continue to tick off the better part of the Arab world.

I am tired of listening to this - I am tired of paying taxes for this - I am tired of my country going further into debt for this - I am tired of watching others pay for this with their lives.

But because I do not agree with the war DOES NOT mean that I hate this country. On the contrary, I love this country enough to make use of the precious freedom it provides. Raising my voice in dissent is an act which exemplifies the most uniquely American freedom; daring to express an opinion celebrates the very best about the basis of the country. I may hate what the government does, I may hate what the president does, I may hate the manner in which my elected officials choose to spend the taxes I pay, but speaking out and expressing those opinions do NOT mean that I hate the country.

I am tired of this being spun so many times that the public is starting to believe it. Dissent does not equal unpatriotism, despite whatever you may hear.
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The other misconception that is driving me nuts is that we're in Iraq to "fight for our country's freedom." I've heard this from Congressmen, I've heard this from parents and families of service members, I've heard this from friends, and I wonder if any one has been paying attention. This is NOT a war about our freedom, it is a war about freeing the residents of a nation a world away from a dictatorial government and a restrictive society. Even more perplexing to me is that the people advocating that we should free the Iraqis from the restrictions imposed by their religions are the same people telling me that we can't teach teenagers about safe sex because God doesn't approve. It makes want to scream.
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I am tired of people not paying attention. Of taking the press releases, taking the spin, taking other people's points of view and swallowing them hook, line, sinker, and without even a moment's pause to consider their own thoughts on the matter. I would be content not if everyone changed their point of view to mine, but if everyone could just articulate their own point of view and show, even for just a split second, that they understand it. Because I don't think that most people have a clue.

I think most people have gotten their opinions second hand. From cable news, from pundits, from spin-meisters, from campaign consultants, from commentators and it pisses me off to no end. But those are precisely the people whose job it is to make sure that you get their version of the story. I think most of the populace supposes it's easier than thinking for their own selves.
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I am against going into an armed conflict without a coherent plan.

I am in favor of anyone who chooses to pray to whatever diety they choose or none at all.

I am against invoking the tenets or principles of any specific religion, including my own, to justify, direct, or command government policy.

I am against throwing the idea of checks and balances out the window under the pretense that our nation is threatened. We've always been threatened. From without, from within, there have always been people set on causing mayhem and bringing the government down. This is not different enough to permit the executive branch to do whatever it damn well pleases.

While we're on the topic, I rather like my constitutional rights. I want the judicial branch regulating whether or not the Department of Justice and NSA get invited into my personal life if I don't at least get to know about it. The idea of probable cause is more attractive to me than "just trust us."

I am for the idea of responsible spending. I work hard to pay my taxes and there are certain things which I believe get me more bang for the buck. I'd gladly settle for a few less missiles and have more kids in programs like Head Start; a little more oversight of non-bid government contracts and many more teenagers who know how to keep pregnancy and STDs from happening to them.

I don't always agree with the status quo, I don't always like the direction our leaders are headed, and I don't hate America.

So Ann Coulter can kiss my ...

Born to be...Boring?

Earlier this morning in the kitchen of my office...
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Me: Must have coffee.

Gaile (assistant extrordinaire): Those are cute sandals. And I noticed yesterday that you have a tattoo!

Me: You mean the daisy on the second toe of my left foot?

Gaile: Yeah, your tattoo.

Me: Nope, not a tattoo. I was babysitting a friend's 8 year old and taught her a song about having a daisy on my toe. So she drew me one.

Gaile: And it's still there?

Me: Well, she used permanent ink.

Gaile (laughing fit to be tied): And here I thought you had a wild side after all.

Me: Nope. No wild side, just a daisy on my toe.
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(Let me say that Laura will "get" this post, even if some of you don't. Of course, she knows the daisy song backwards, forwards, and falling-on-her-butt drunk. The rest of you may have to just imagine it.)

Impressive

Sometimes it is just so easy to impress guys. One of the partners in my office gave one of the other lawyers and me a pop quiz yesterday: How many ways are there to get on base in baseball?

It turns out that, by his count (which distinguishes "got a hit" from "hit the ball but the shortstop dropped it") there are ten. Nevermind that I only got three. I absolutely knocked his socks off with "hit by pitch."

Of course I know that one. I throw like a girl, and it shows!

Postcard from Mexico

That's his "I'm on vacation and you're not" face... hmph. (But I'm glad you're back, buddy. Sorry I missed you last weekend)

International Relations

I was driving to Austin last Friday and getting in my NPR fix at the same time before I hit Waco and found the funniest Frenchman ever! On The World, they were interviewing him about his blog (vlog?) which he makes in his living room with an American flag that he went out and bought. Easily the best step forward in Franco-American relations since they began exporting Champagne. So stop by and say Bonjour America!

(In a totally related thought, I'm going to have to learn French before the 18th episode. I had way too much trouble with episode 9 (in French), but I know it had to do with Dick Cheney which, in French, sounds very much like dictionary. Thank goodness for the pictures.)

(In yet another related note, Cyrille sang a song in a recent video which included the refrain "War is bad, love is good, guns are bad, sex is good" to which one of his commenters noted that in Texas it's somewhat the opposite: sex is bad, guns are good. Like I needed reminding how red my state is. Uggh.)

Update

We won. It's over - at least for the moment. With my luck, however, this guy is going to appeal and I'm going to have to school him on appellate procedure as well.

Am I The Only Non-World Traveler?

Okay, if Daniel is most likely to wind up in a third-world country (see last post), my oldest brother Steve is most likely to get stuck in an emerging world power.

Steve's stuck in China a little longer than he expected because he's spiked a mild fever. It turns out they won't let you leave if you're sick. Hopefully he feels better soon so that he can get himself back home for a few days before he has to leave again for Germany.

These brothers of mine, I swear, are making me feel so much like a homebody.

Un Vacación en la Playa del Carmen

Let me preface this post by saying that even though I am the third of four kids, I am the good one. This is my brother, Daniel. He's number four.

Although he's the youngest, Daniel is easily the one of us most likely to end up in a third-world country at any given moment.

As we speak he's in Mexico for the next couple of weeks. He told our parents he was going a few days before he left which was probably a good idea. They would have noticed that he wasn't around the house by how clean it was staying.

Of course, Daniel usually does give notice when he's leaving the United States. When he was 16, he booked a trip to Guatemala for the summer, found himself a place to stay, and enrolled himself in a Spanish school down there. He told our parents he was going once he figured out that he was too young to get a passport on his own. I think my mother spent the next two months in church, all the while I was getting emails about crashing motorcycles, how he was living in the shadow of a volcano, drinking beer and professing his love to the señoritas when he wasn't "learning to speak Spanish" - which seems like it was most of the time. Once Daniel got back, our father confiscated his passport until he turned 18. Killjoy.

This go around, he's in Mexico where he's staying in a hotel where one of the little girls he flirts with through AOL instant messenger works. (Ain't technology great?) He's getting a great discount because - get this - they have convinced the management that he is her long-lost cousin. How on earth he is managing to convince anyone that he is enthically hispanic is beyond me (just look at the picture!), but never let it be said that he doesn't have nerve. They've probably told the hotel that she has a crazy gringo aunt. Anything happens to him down there and I'm betting that my mother will not disabuse them of that notion.

I've only gotten one email so far, and it was a dull one. Of course, he needed to know how to get cash out of his credit card so he asked me to forward the message on to Mom and Dad so that probably has something to do with the lack of fun details. I can't wait until after they let him know how to get money - then maybe he'll send me the scoop. Whatever he may put in the messages he intends for the parents to see, I know he's not behaving as well as he lets on.

So happy Spring Break, everyone. And lots of fun wishes to mi hermanito, the Mexican!

The Elephant in the Room

I talked to Kendall tonight, he's one of the funniest people I know and the only person who's gotten us both kicked out of a maternity ward(!), and I'm glad he's back. Of course, a lot of our conversation focused on the crazy stuff we did "in the good old days." At one point, we were both marvelling that everyone in our group turned out well and that it's astounding that we all made it solidly into our mid-20s. And as soon as it was out of our mouths, though, we remembered that not everyone made it.

It amazes me that talking to a good friend can make me so happy and so sad at the same time. The one thing we both agreed on: you don't get a group of friends like we had more than once. And even then it was a damn miracle.

All the same, I'm so grateful he turned up again. And I know Keith is glad to have him back too.

A Couple of Random Things

* I am supremely bummed that one of my favorite people was just diagnosed with cancer. Ann Richards is smart, funny, and a real Texas treasure. Aim some prayers toward Houston and M.D. Anderson from her, okay? The world would be less interesting without her in it.

* My favorite Oscar winner is Larry McMurtry. Not only did he write The Last Picture Show (and, oh yeah, some flick called Brokeback Mountain), but he was the only winner to thank his lawyers in his acceptance speech. That wasn't quite what I meant in my last post, but hey, I'm all about recognizing a job well done.

* While thinking about the Oscar winners, did anyone notice that darn near everyone thanked their Mom? How can the rest of us compete with that? Mom, I really appreciate you and think you do a great job of, well, Momming for me. I wouldn't hold my breath on being thanked at the Oscars, though.

* I thought I was ready for it to be summer and for the weather to be great, but it turns out I was wrong. They're predicting 85 degree weather again this weekend. I got sunburned last weekend. You know, we usually joke here in Texas that we have four seasons: November, December, January, and summer. This year we're down to 2: fall, summer. I think I may be getting cheated out of a spring.

* When you're typing too fast and you accidentally title a post "A Couple of Random Thongs," it's a little disconcerting to have the person reading over your shoulder go "Man, I miss college." I don't want to know. I just hope they weren't his.

Email Happiness

From: [CLIENT]
Sent: Sat 3/4/2006 3:33 PM
To: Lisa
Subject: THANKS

Lisa-

I have been trying to get things done around the house but, I wanted to stop and say "THANKS" for all of your HELP and SUPPORT.....

We would be half way where we are today on this case, if you were not involved...

Thanks Again,

[Client]

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People like this make me love my job. I try to say thank you to people who have done a good job for me. I have written nice letters to supervisors, I have sent thank you cards, and I just generally try to acknowledge people for a job well done. And this is why. Hopefully it will make someone else feel as appreciated as I do.

I think most people feel in some way that they are underpaid, underappreciated, or that their talents go underutilized in what they do. Everybody will want to do a good job for you if you do your part to remind them that you appreciate it.

Random Trivia

Weird fact of the day: Cats will not eat anything that they can't smell.

I guess this is why Hush wants "new" dry food all the time - the smell hasn't worn off.


For what it's worth, this entire post was a shameless pretense for putting a picture on here for some color. I am still really enjoying my new camera so I might as well put it to use.

Shot in the Foot By A Job Well Done

I don't know if it ever made my "to do before 30" list(s) I've posted here before, but one of these days I'm going to go to the Kentucky Derby. It looked like the stars were aligned for me not only to go this year, but to be completely reimbursed for the trip. We had depositions scheduled in Kentucky for March but we were going to move them back a couple months and make it out around Derby time.

Just my luck though, we scared the other side enough so that they settled the case. Yeah, yeah, it's good for our clients, but I never get to have any fun. So my non-deductible, non-reimbursable, non-defrayed trip will probably come another year. Before I'm 30.

A Little Hormonal

My friend Kendall called this morning! He's the proud father of a three-week old little boy and things around his house are, well, a little nuts. I asked how his wife was doing, and all he told me was "Last night she was standing in the middle of the bed, her head was spinning around, and she was spitting pea soup."

Poor guy. Hope it passes quickly.

Mercy Me

Do you know how some competitive sports require good opponents in order to really work? Like tennis - it is a fact that you will play better tennis against someone who challenges your abilities rather than a rank beginner. You'll hit better shots, you'll be pushed farther, and your game will be elevated by the caliber of the competition. If, on the other hand, you play against a first-timer - one who hits soft balls, imprecise shots, without much speed or challenge - it's harder to play a good game yourself because you have less to work with.

Lawyering is like that too. Against someone who is smart and tough, it is easier to perform well. And the inverse is also true - against someone who just doesn't get it, defending or prosecuting a suit will be ten times harder because you have to wade through all of the stupid stuff, which is just clutter, to make sure that the real issues appear before the court.

It's like in that movie Clueless, where Alicia Silverstone gives a class presentation on Haitian (pronounced "Haiti-an") refugees where the main thrust of her argument revolves around garden party, some uninvited guests, and the fact that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statute of Liberty. The classmate who is supposed to present the opposition goes "How can I respond to that?" It's just so far off the mark that a response seems impossible.

Opposing counsel in a case I've got is like that. Over the past couple months, I've been trying to figure out whether he is dim, lazy and ignorant, or intentionally does not work or play well with others. He takes legal theories which are so far off that even a first-year law student would understand why they are completely inapplicable and then he briefs them for pages on end. This of course requires me to do unnecessary research to find case law pointing out how far off the mark he truly is - a pointless waste of time and money. And he's done this so many times that I am strongly leaning away from thinking he's difficult and strongly leaning towards the opinion that this man is simply not fit to practice law.

I get phone calls asking me what papers I've sent him say (he could try reading them). I get emails where he tries to trick me into waiving procedural rules ("will you waive all of your objections in next week's deposition" is going to get back a resounding "heck no" each time). I got a 90-page motion, via fax (considered impolite - something of that length should be emailed and sent by courier or dropped in the mail), which is completely ridiculous. He overlooks the single issue that he should be concentrating on in order not to lose and just parties it up with the Haiti-ans.

We have a hearing in a couple weeks which should, if the judge is paying attention, end this case. I can't wait. It will be nice to focus on the next items on my docket, where I have worthy adversaries. Too many more like this guy and I'm afraid I'll get dumber.

Wish me luck. Or better yet, wish me patience. I could use it now.

It's All Good

I am having one of those amazing days where I absolutely love my job and all is right in my world. And even better, I seem to be having these days more often. I have no way to express this to the cosmos (or more practically my clients and co-workers), but I feel an excess gratitude on this Monday afternoon. I hope each of you is having a day like this.

I'm not sure, but I think this may have something to do with cleaning out all closets and cupboards in my house this weekend.

Legal Genius

The managing partner of my firm has a toy that is making me positively green with envy. Yup, he has his very own Ball O' Justice sitting right there on his desk!

What, pray tell, is a B.O'J. I hear you ask? Why it's your very own no-assembly-required, batteries-totally-unnecessary tool to master the legal system!
(Okay, so maybe it's more like a magic 8 ball)

I asked a question yesterday, only to be told that the evidence was inconclusive. Apparently yesterday was a bad day for me to argue a summary judgment motion. Today, however, it told me that it bills by the quarter hour - reminding me that I do too and so I had probably better get back to work. Maybe that's why it sits on the managing partner's desk.